Vain

There it comes this moment of clarity. When I woke up on the train, in the middle of my way back to our reality, my reality. That it looks like, now, I finally give up all the chances about you. It doesn't matter even if I had all the times in the universe, you'll never look back at me and realize all the reasons why I had always there. The reasons why behind my panicked voice over the phone. The reasons why I felt my heart broken so much when I was sitting beside you and hearing all the worst news you've got. The reasons why, I felt stabbed hard in my heart when she told me all the drama, chocolate, and your confession. And even after all the storm, I chose to stay. Maybe it was me from the beginning who foolishly proud in torturing my self with being beside you, the one that actually who doesn't need saving. You can save yourself, while I failed mine. 

This is the moment of clarity. I made my self clear, I won't love you any much less than a friend. Something that I should do right after I realized I didn't stand any chance, because you love candies while I am just loose sweater that gives comfort. Now I decide, it's time to not lie to my own self by saying I don't need to be loved back while always loving you that much. Because everyone need a pars. Now I realize, I should let you go, not just words that I know, but also words that my heart believe. Now I shall let my heart empty. Without any single hope which is an exact fallacy from the beginning. I will try to live as it is, not by something I want you to give me in, but something you already left me with. Something that exactly vain, plain.