my first time
It was my first encounter with the other side of my dear friend, who was suicidal. I felt depression my self, just before we met, and (was likely) healed. Not as bad that made me want to kill my self. But, he was. And on that day, he told me the story how it was only second before he took the rope, tied it on his neck, and hang him self on the ceilings. He was not loud, but deafening enough to make me quiet, listen, and think of what I should say to make him feeling safe. Safe enough to tell the story, safe enough to not leave this life. If there is anything I could help him with, I would definitely take that way without any further second.
Instead, I asked, what did make him stop, even with rope already in his hands?
"There was this inner voice that saying 'are you really want to lose over this game?'". Thus, some part in him awaken, part that wants to fight the same chaos once again.
I was taken aback by that statement, almost 3 years after that. (Again) under depression. Much worst than my younger self ever had, beyond what I could understand. And suddenly I think of every lost souls in suicidal spiral of thoughts. I asked to my self, where is God when all the broken souls decided to end this life?.
And this reliving moment when something answered "God was there, saying to him 'are you really want to lose over this game?".
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